Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
