She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
