Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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