there was a trapeze. enough said
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
