when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
