He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
