we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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