I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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