Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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