It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
