We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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