Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
