whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
