I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
