True but thats because hes a fetus.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
