at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
