i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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