He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
