Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
