Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
