Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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