You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
