His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
