How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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