Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
