And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm like, not good at living.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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