Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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