So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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