just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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