I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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