You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
