i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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