Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
