i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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