I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
