Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
