I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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