I think my fart just growled at me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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