I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
