so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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