woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
