I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
