Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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