Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
