New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
