We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
