Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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