you guys were way drunker than both of me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
