That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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