I will die if light touches me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
