Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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