A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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