Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
