Swine flu. Run for my life!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
