i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
