Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Enjoy the penises
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
