there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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