Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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