I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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