Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
