dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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