Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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