I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
