Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
