That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
