Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
