we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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