She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
