I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize