Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
