Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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