I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
