Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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