She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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