All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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