i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
