Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's like iHOP with fire
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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