What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
