eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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