I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
