I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Couch. On fire.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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