he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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