TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
