The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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