my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
