The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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