idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
