Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
