I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize