Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
