Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
