Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
